


Perfect Stranger Things

by JunJoestar



Category: Perfect Strangers, Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Crossover, Other, Ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 06:37:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10916367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JunJoestar/pseuds/JunJoestar
Summary: Cousin Larry gets more than he bargained for when he accidentally opens a rift in time and space and Balki wanders through it. Can Balki defeat the Demogorgon and return home?





	Perfect Stranger Things

-Scene opens in the shared apartment of Larry Appleton and Balki Bartokomous. Cousin Larry is setting something up on the table when Balki enters the room in his Spiderman pajamas.-

"Good morning, cousin! What are you doing with little plastic mens on the table? -gasps- how did you find such tiny people?!" said Balki.

Larry sighed. "They're not men, Balki, they're miniatures, and I'm setting up this new Dungeons and Dragons game. Twinkacetti got it in the shop and said he was coming over tonight to play it, and the pool for winning is 50 bucks."

"50 dollars to play with little plastic men? Mister Twinkacetti sure has some straaaange tastes!"

-audience laughs-

"Well, he insisted we play it here. He's on his way over now, why don't you help me figure out the rules for this so he doesn't clean our clocks?"

Balki furrowed his brow and raised an eyebrow at Larry. "Why you don't want him cleaning our clocks for us? That sounds very nice of him!"

-audience laughs-

Larry sighed, again. "It's a figure of speech, Balki, it means I don't want him to beat us! Now would you just get over here and start reading through these rule books?"

Balki opened up the fresh new Player's Handbook and skimmed through. "Oh cousin, this sure is a lot of word for a silly board game. And there's scary demons on the pages! I don't like this game of Twinkacetti's one bit," he huffed. "And who is this Sorcerer and why he is holding MY sheep crook?"

-audience laughs-

Larry took the book from Balki. "Give me that, let me see. Balki, this is one of the characters you could be in the game. Here, maybe i should read this first. Why don't you uh, I dunno, see if you can find Mr. Twinkacetti, I think we'll need more time." 

Balki rolled his eyes at his cousin and went to go change into a more suitable outfit for going out. He waved goodbye to his cousin and headed out to Ritz Discount to find Mr. Twinkacetti. Larry was totally absorbed in reading the manuals for the game.

Once he arrived at the store, Balki checked the office to see if Twinkacetti was in. He had already left, so Balki sat for a moment pondering what to do. Suddenly, the phone rang. "B-Balki! You gotta get home now, it's-" Balki interjected, "Home, to Mypos? Right now? But why, cousin?" "NO! NOT MYPOS! To the apartment, Balki! There's no time to talk on the phone, just get back here!" Larry hung up in a tizzy before Balki could respond. "What a rude man! He never even tell me who he is! Wait till Larry hears about this guy!" 

-audience laughs-

When Balki returned home, the apartment was in total disarray. Larry was sitting on a chair in the corner, pale as a ghost, and some sort of giant undulating black rift was floating above the table. Balki didn't know what to say, he'd never seen or heard of anything like this. He quickly cowered to the corner, next to Larry. "C-c-c-cousin Larry...what did you do?!" he sputtered. Larry grabbed onto his shirt and pulled him close, trembling. "I don't know, Balki! Twinkacetti showed up while you were gone and, and we started playing the game, and then suddenly this...thing appeared, and grabbed him, and pulled him through! What are we going to do, Balki?!" 

Balki shook himself off, steeled himself, and grabbed Dimitri. He turned to Larry, put his arms on his shoulders, and leaned in close. "Cousin, we have saying in Mypos for this: Κύριε ἐλέησον. Goodbye, Larry. I will be seeing you soon again with Twinkacetti!" 

Larry sputtered but couldn't form words as Balki turned away and leaped into the portal, screaming at the top of his lungs. What on earth could Balki do in there alone? But Larry did not have the resolve to follow his brave and stupid cousin. He merely kept cowering in his chair.

-a distorted version of the Perfect Strangers theme with haunting synth effects plays as we see the rift close and all fade to black.-

Balki felt no fear in his heart as he leapt into the portal. As he came through the other side, the world around him brought him to his knees in awe. The murkiness of the air penetrated his soul, and he suddenly felt deeper fear than in his whole life. He clung tightly to Dimitri. "M-mister Twinkacetti, are you here?" he said in a hushed tone. He walked along the floor of what seemed to be his apartment, but it felt so much more sinister than ever. Maybe this was just all a bad dream? Maybe Larry was playing a practical joke? Suddenly, he felt something strange against his foot. He looked down to see horrific masses of tendrils sprouting from a strange egg in the corner where Larry had been sitting. What on earth was going on?! Balki quickly scurried out of the apartment and down to the street level.

Once outside, Balki took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. Strange spores fluttered about the air around him. Everything looked so similar to home, but covered in disgusting fleshy vines and growths. He walked down the street to where Ritz Discount should be. The world was strange and horrifying, but somehow calming. Few noises could be heard at all as he walked, and he was alone with his thoughts. Balki knew Larry or Twinkacetti would not have done something so brave for him, but maybe that was just his role as Larry's cousin. Maybe this is the tradition in America, you send your cousin into the spooky portals to rescue your boss.

When Balki opened the door to this world's Ritz Discount, he seemed to see something stir in the corner. A large, shadowy humanoid shape seemed to rise up. Balki looked at it suspiciously. "Mister Twinkacetti...is that you?" he asked. Suddenly, the shape lurched forward and opened its face, revealing rows of menacing teeth and gnarled flesh. Balki panicked and screamed. 

-audience laughs-

As Balki cowered from the Demogorgon, something odd happened. The beast prepared to lash out at Balki, but stopped as it felt Dimitri's plush exterior. Balki looked up at the monster. "Y..you like?" Balki extended Dimitri to the monster. As the Demogorgon played with the stuffed sheep, Balki looked around and noticed Twinkacetti tremlbing in the corner, with some horrible tendril reaching down his mouth. Balki snuck over and ripped the tendril out, and Twinkacetti immediately threw up, small slug-like creatures swimming among the waste. He was too controlled by fear to say anything to Balki, who just put his finger over his mouth, shushing him, and hurried him out of the building.

Balki once again approached the Demogorgon who was fascinated by the plaything. "O-okay, big man. I am having my Dimitri back now?" 

-audience laughs-

Balki reached for the sheep. The monster screamed. Balki pulled his hand back. "Ay, okay, fine, is your Dimitri now...but, maybe I have back...now?" Balki extended his hand, not reaching for the toy this time, but with his palm open, asking for it kindly instead. The Demogorgon closed its mouth, looked at the toy, then at Balki. It gave the toy a squeeze, and placed it in his hand. Once Balki took the toy, he held the beast's tendril. "Maybe you and I, not so different guys, eh? I'm from Mypos, very far away, you're from..weird, spooky dark version of Cousin Larry's house, very far away...." Balki started to sweat as the beast took a more combative stance. "A-anyway, how about I go home now?"

-audience laughs-

The Demogorgon passed a thought to Balki with its telepathy. Balki laughed. "Don't be ridiculous, of course I have! But uh...what is this 'Eggo Waffles?'"

-audience laughs-

"Okay, big guy. I have to leaving now. You send me and Twinkacetti back home?" he asked. The beast passed on another thought. Balki chuckled. "Okay, but don't tell Larry about this, ok-aaay?" Balki cleared his throat and grabbed both of the beast's 'arms'. "Now we are so happy, we do the dance of joy!" Balki attempted to lead the Demogorgon through the dance but it very quickly became irritated. Not wanting to be devoured, Balki stopped. "Okay, maybe just go home now, thank you!"  
The Demogorgon tore open a rift and Balki went through, with Twinkacetti coming through not far behind. Both were now back in the safety of Larry's apartment.

Larry started sobbing uncontrollably at the sight of Balki. "Oh, Balki! I thought you really bit the big one!" he grabbed Balki in an unexpected embrace. 

Balki turned to him, puzzled. "I am very happy to see you too, cousin Larry, but.. what is big one I should have bit?"

-audience laughs-

-the set fades out as a more ambient and synth based rendition of the Perfect Strangers theme plays over the end credits, which are now displayed in a strange red font-


End file.
